I have been so busy at work there is no time to think,....until I had to drive the work van. The problem for me with the work van is, Ricky used to drive it everyday as his own vehicle to and from work and everywhere in between. When ever I see that van I think of my Ricky. It's been over a month now that he has passed but I still cry everyday. Not at much or as hard but there are days I do. I know its going to happen, but today sitting in that seat, behind the wheel hit me really hard. Thank God Brian my co-worker was with me or I would have showed up to the customer's house with mascare running down my face.
I'm finding myself talking out load to Ricky now. I don't know why but it really seems to help me. I'm just hoping I don't do it when people are around....don't want them to think I'm more crazy then I already am. I'm still waiting for a sign from Ricky. I know not a lot of people believe in the after life or people hanging around after they pass. I do! I know my grandmother Edith is around me. I can feel her once in a great while.
I'm still unable to get out of the car where the car accident was. I have to drive on that road everyday to get to work. After going there when it happened and seeing the car and they tarp where he laid I just can't stop. It's hard enough driving over and pass the spot. I want to leave something there in memory but just can't do it yet.
Remember to love the people near and dear to your heart!