No More Shadow :(

Today I had to do the hardest thing in my life..... I had to put my best friend,  my shadow,  my baby girl down.  I never thought it would hurt this bad, and take so much out of me.  It's only been 2 hours and I feel so lost.

I knew the time was coming and I tried so hard to prepare myself for this moment. 

Sadie had many tumors. She had one removed off her foot a while back. 

Yesterday on our normal routine I got up and went to feed her she didn't eat! That is so unlike Sadie. When it comes to food she is all over it!  I let her out and she couldn't go. So I stayed home with her.  I could see something wasn't right. She wasn't herself.  Later in the day she ate and was able to go. 

I knew something was wrong because she is my soul mate for a dog. Her eyes were telling me the time is near. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew. I had my mother come over to see what she thought. My mother walked through the door and Sadie got up wagged her tail. My mom hung out and said she just has some tummy pain.

So today when I got up I was hoping things would be back to normal.  Nope Sadie didn't eat, she couldn't go and when she would try to sit she was in pain. I had to wait an hour before the vet was open. I called and told them everything that was going on and had a appointment to been seen at 9:00. I took her in and that is where I found out she had a large tumor on her spleen and it was cancer.  It was really bad and they were surprised that it hadn't popped.  So with that said knowing her age and all the other tumors there were, the only one humane decision to be made was to let my baby girl go. My world come to a stop! I lost it.

I couldn't do it right then. I need time for my son and husband to say goodbye.  So I took her home.  My son took the time he needed to say goodbye then went to his dads. I waited for my husband to get home then we took her.  I will have to say the vet we took her to was so sweet. They let us drive around back and say all of our goodbyes in the back of our van where Sadie and myself felt comfortable.  I have never cried so hard in front of people in my life. I could see I made them feel uncomfortable but it just came out. My body was shaking so bad. My jaw was whimper so bad. I still can't believe I went through with it.

I hurt so bad right now! I feel so lost

. . How can a animal make you fall so in love with it, that it would make you hurt so bad ? I love you Sadie!!